Song of Solomon is the book most people skip in Bible study, and it might be the one most marriages need. It opens with a woman who is bold, expressive, and deeply in love with herhusband. She is not shy about it. And what she says in the first four verses offers one of themost practical pictures of a healthy marriage anywhere in Scripture.
A Relationship Built on Covenant
Before anything else, it is important to understand where this woman is speaking from. Song of Solomon 1:2 opens with an exclamation: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!” If your daughter ran into the living room declaring that, you would want to have a conversation about this boy.
But here is the key. This book is developmental in the way it treats the marriage relationship. This woman is talking about her husband in the context of a relationship that already exists. There is already commitment. They are already married. So when she talks about intimacy, when she talks about desire, she does so from a place where the relationship is secure. That security is what gives her the freedom to be so expressive.
Throughout the book, there is a group of women called the Daughters of Jerusalem, women who are not yet married, and this wife counsels them from her place of experience. She tells them how the relationship works, how they ought to act, and how they ought to “not awaken love until it desires.” She speaks from a place of safety and intimacy with her husband, which is why she can talk like this.
Invitation, Not Initiation
Notice what she does not say. She does not say, “I am going to kiss him.” She says, “Let him kiss me.” The way she navigates the relationship with her husband is from a place of invitation, not initiation. It is invitation, not aggression. The Bible gives room for this woman to be expressive and clear, to invite, not demand.
And why does she want this man to kiss her? “Your love is better than wine” (Song of Solomon 1:2). Wine in Scripture is associated with celebration, agricultural provision, and great blessing. The Psalms say that God “put more joy in my heart than when grain and new wine abound.” The best of the best. And this woman says that her husband’s love surpasses all of it.
Reserve Kisses
Married folks know there are different kinds of kisses. There is the good morning, mouth-closed, morning breath kiss. There is the goodbye kiss on the way out the door. But then my wife has a term she uses in our marriage. She calls them reserve kisses. These are not wine-in-the-box kisses. These are not wine-cooler-in-a-can kisses. These are wine cellar kisses. The kind where you want to know what is on the menu, and it is more than twenty-eight dollars.
You go out somewhere nice, flip through the wine book, and wonder what the most expensive bottle is. I think we went somewhere a couple weeks ago and found out the most expensive bottle on the list was about three grand. That is the kind of love this woman is describing. She says, “Your love, your kisses, are better than the best wine.”
More Than Physical Attraction
Verse three takes a turn: “Your anointing oils are fragrant” (Song of Solomon 1:3). Anointing oils were a very specific kind of oil in the ancient Near East. Olive oil was obtained through multiple pressings. The first pressing produced the purest oil, reserved for the most sacred purposes: anointing priests, anointing kings, and consecrating the tabernacle implements. The second pressing was used for cooking and household lamps. The third pressing was used for things like soap.
Oil in the ancient Near East also served two practical purposes. First, it helped men look good, a little in the hair for presentation. Second, in an era where water was not common and baths were not daily, it helped mask what needed masking. So when this woman says his anointing oils are fragrant, the practical takeaway is simple: men, take a shower, wash that towel, and get some cologne.
A Name Like Oil Poured Out
But here is where the passage deepens. She does not stop at physical scent. She says, “Your name is oil poured out” (Song of Solomon 1:3). In the Bible, a person’s name represents the totality of who they are. When we pray in the name of Jesus, we are praying according to all of who He is. So when this woman says his name is like oil poured out, she is not talking about Dawn dish soap. She is talking about the first pressing, the sacred oil, the best of the best.
I was in the office a couple months ago, and we had been slowly decorating, putting up shelves and arranging things. On one shelf sat a book of Spurgeon sermons, the Westminster Biblical Atlas, and this small blue vial. I had no idea what it was. So I opened it, poorly, like a bear, and the top fell off. It got on my hands, on the carpet, everywhere. It turned out to be some kind of perfume, and I could not get it off. It would not wash away.
That is exactly the picture this woman paints. When you pour oil out, when you spill perfume, it is everywhere. You wash your hands and it will not go away. His name, his reputation, has an aroma to it. Not only does he have a physical scent, but now she is comparing his character and reputation to something that fills the room.
What Does the Bible Say Attracts a Godly Spouse?
This is where Song of Solomon becomes deeply practical for anyone thinking about dating, marriage, or what it means to be the kind of person worth committing to. This woman is drawn to a man whose reputation precedes him. She is asking, in essence: Are you known as a man with courage, conviction, and integrity? Are you known as somebody with standards who can be trusted? Someone whose yes is yes and whose no is no, who is consistent, biblical, godly, and prayerful?
This man does not just smell good. His reputation has an aroma to it. “Your name is oil poured out. Therefore virgins love you” (Song of Solomon 1:3). He is popular. When he walks into the room, people notice. And this woman is emboldening him. She is speaking life into him, giving him the affection he desires. Proverbs tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue, and here is a wife using hers to affirm and bless her husband.
Draw Me After You
Verse four shifts the focus again: “Draw me after you, let us run together” (Song of Solomon 1:4). The question this raises is simple. Is this man stationary, or is he going somewhere?
Adam received two things before he ever received a wife: a God and a garden. He had a right relationship with the God of heaven and earth, and he had a responsibility to work and keep before a wife ever entered the picture. It is very hard for a woman to follow, commit to, and respect a man who is inert and immovable. But this woman looks at this man and says, “I want to hitch my wagon to where you are headed.”
When “Me” and “You” Become “Us”
This verse is so instructive for marriage. She says, “Draw me after you.” Does this man have ambition to serve the Lord? Is he faithful in the things God has called him to? Is he dreaming about how his life can be used for God’s purposes? No woman says, “I want a man who is indecisive, unsure about God, and not really sure where he is headed with his career.” This woman says, “You are headed somewhere, and I want to be a part of your life.”
And watch how the “me” and the “you” turn into an “us” by the end of the verse. That is exactly what happened when my wife and I got married. Some singles may think, “You got married at 22, you do not know what it is like.” Wrong. I got married at 31, and yes, we have had six kids since then, so we have been busy. But we started our marriage like this. I had dreams and plans for ministry. I felt called to what God was doing. At the same time, my wife was being faithful to the things she was called to. The more we started talking, the closer we got. And the closer we got, the more we began to develop an ambition for what God could do together in our marriage.
We started asking God, “What do You want us to do? Where do You want us to go? Where do You want us to live? Who do You want us to minister to?” Our lives started intersecting, and it made total sense.
The Right Person Sees What Others Miss
Before Suzanne, I was dating someone else, and the relationship was not going well. Suzanne, who was one of my close friends at the time (I had known her for three or four years and we were in the same friend groups), called me up and said something none of my other friends had the courage to say: “You are not happy.”
Eventually, that relationship ended. I talked to one of my best friends afterward, the man who would become the best man in our wedding. I told him about the breakup, and he said, “Oh yeah, I would have never let you marry that girl.” I could not believe it. Then he said, “I would not let you marry anyone unless you get along with them the way you get along with Suzanne.”
And here we are, seventeen years later.
A Marriage Worth Building
Song of Solomon opens with a picture of a marriage that is alive, expressive, and rooted in covenant. This woman affirms her husband’s character, is drawn to his direction, and speaks life into who he is. And this man is not passive. He is going somewhere with God, and she wants to run alongside him. That is the biblical vision for marriage: two people, individually faithful, who discover that their lives make more sense together than apart, and who build something greater than either could alone.
